When It's All Too Late
by mikan-hime2603
Summary: Mikan has lived her life the way her parents trained her. "Never bow your head to anyone, Mikan, become second to no one. That is how to become the best, the finest, and that, my dearest daughter, is your goal." Mikan did just as her mother said, never did she bow her head to anyone and she became above all others. Except to him, that is. AU. R
1. Kogo Heika

Ever since Mikan was born, she has been shaped to become a perfect noble woman. Being born into the Yukihara clan, Mikan has never before experienced how it was to live like normal people. Her family belongs to one of the most prestigious clans in Japan, it is considered to be the most powerful, second only to the royal family. Mikan Yukihara, born as the only daughter of the main branch, was trained to be the best. Born blessed with beauty that has been said to transcend even that of a deity, gifted with wisdom to understand other people, and a golden heart that extends kindness even to the lowest of people, gives love and care to those need it and forgives those who has done her wrong, Mikan was respected and loved by all.

Looking at the mirror, she saw a beautiful woman with glorious, hazelnut hair that curls lightly at the end, framing a heart shaped face. Expressive, brown eyes stared back at her as she gazed at her reflection. She has a slender body and porcelain skin that other women would die for. Growing up, her parents taught her how to be a perfect woman, a wife her husband can depend on, a mother her children would look up to, a person who will set a good example for other people.

"Mikan-sama," A voice came from behind her. Mikan turned and saw her attendant, Michiko, and other servants holding up the twelve layers of the junihitoe she is supposed to wear for the occasion.

Today is a special day for Mikan. It is her son's seventh birthday and there will be a huge celebration in the grounds where all of the biggest clans of Japan will gather to celebrate with them. For eight years, Mikan has lived her life the way her parents trained her. _"Never bow your head to anyone, Mikan, become second to no one. That is how to become the best, the finest, and that, my dearest daughter, is your goal." _Her mother, Yuka Yukihara always said when she was just a child.

_"Nothing but the best for this country," _She thought, before slipping her arms at the wide sleeves and allowing Michiko to do the rest. After making sure the kimono looks perfect, the attendant combed Mikan's hair that reaches down to her waist, allowing it to fall to her back and shoulders before placing a golden crown in her head.

After a few moments, Michiko informed. "It's done, Mikan-sama."

Mikan looked at the mirror to check if everything is in place. In her life, everything has to be perfect, not even a single strand of hair should be out of place. Seeing that everything is perfect, she stood from her chair and started for the shouji that was being held open by another attendant. All of them are lined up with their bodies bent forward to a bow.

"Kogo Heika." They all said in unison.

_"Yes. Nothing but the best for the king." _She thought before stepping out to head for the celebration.

A/N:

Kogo Heika- Her Majesty, the Empress.


	2. Tenno Heika

"The emperor is not here yet, Mikan-sama." Michiko informed. Mikan simply nodded and started for the entrance. Upon seeing her, the guards at the door bowed deeply, before opening the door. All heads turned towards her and everyone started bowing to show respect for their empress. Mikan smiled and acknowledged them before heading to her place followed by her attendants. Seated beside her is oldest her son, Crown Prince Ryuunosuke, the celebrant of the day.

The prince stood and bowed to her. "Mother," the boy greeted, "did you have a good sleep last night?" Mikan smiled at her son before beckoning him to come to her.

"Not at all. I was too excited to even sleep a wink." She teased before her face softened. "My son," she began while lightly brushing his clothes, "Today, your father will announce you as the official crown prince of this nation, you will be the one to succeed him. Show them all, prove it to them that are worthy of the crown. It is yours to take and no one else's. You are the emperor's first born, it is your right. Don't let anyone say that you don't deserve it. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mother, I understand. I won't fail you and father." She smiled again before taking her son's face to kiss him lightly on both cheeks. "Happy Birthday, my dear."

"Me too? Kiss?" A cute little voice interrupted. Mikan turned to see her youngest, Princess Sayuri, looking up at both of them innocently. Dressed in light pink kimono decorated with golden patterns and her light brown hair that matches that of her mother's, everyone can already see that the princess will grow to become a beautiful woman like the empress. With her eyes exactly the same shade as the older woman, the same heart shaped face and sunny smile, princess Sayuri is the considered to be the mini- empress.

Mikan laughed and smiled at her daughter's attendants before picking up her little sunshine to drop a kiss on her cheek. "Did you greet your older brother a happy birthday already, Sayuri?" she asked the four year old girl.

The girl climbed off her mother's lap and headed for the prince, "Happy birthday, onii-sama. You're going to be the crown prince now but don't forget to still play with me, okay?" Mikan and the other's smiled at the girl's sweet request.

"Of course, Sayu-chan, onii-sama will always find time for you." Ryuu answered making his younger sister smile brightly.

Mikan smiled before looking around the pavilion. Many prominent clans are present at the celebration including the Imai, Nogi, Yome, Shouda, Hijiri, Ando, Harada and many other clans. Of course, also present is the Yukihara clan where the empress formerly belonged. Mikan's eyes lit up when she saw her mother and father. She stood up and started walking towards them, acknowledging everyone she passed by. Her family bowed when she finally reached them.

Mikan reached for her mother's hand before speaking. "Father, mother, have you been well?" she asked. "I see onii-san was unable to come."

"Thank you for your concern, Mikan-sama. We have been well, and your brother was unable to come because his wife just gave birth. He is actually disappointed that he won't be able to attend his nephew's birthday." Her mother, Yuka Yukihara, answered.

"Mikan-sama, how have you been? We pray every day that your body will always be healthy. You must be strong to be able to support the emperor." Her father, Izumi Yukihara, said.

"Yes, my health is just fine. Thank you for your prayer; it's because of those that I don't even catch a cold." Mikan joked, "Well, I must be going, I just came to ask how you have been doing."

"Of course, thank you for finding time to talk to us. And please, tell prince Ryuunosuke that we wish him a happy birthday and an even happier life."

"I will, thank you. I will see you soon." She said before turning and walking towards her best friend, Hotaru Imai.

"Mikan-sama," the raven haired girl greeted as she bowed her head, "Congratulations on the prince's coronation as the heir to the throne." In a smaller voice she added, "Are you still as stupid as ever, _Mikan-sama_?"

Mikan glared lightly at her smirking friend, "I' m going to pretend that I didn't hear you call the empress of this nation 'stupid'." She whispered back jokingly. "How's the baby? Everything okay?" she asked, eyeing Hotaru's huge stomach.

"Everything's horrible, actually. If only it won't ruin the family name, I'd happily kill Nogi for doing this to me." The other said darkly.

Mikan laughed, "Pregnancy's horrible? Wait until you go to labor." She teased making Hotaru glare at her.

"You should go, Mikan-sama. It won't be long until the emperor arrives." Hotaru said.

"Okay. Come see me soon, alright?"

"Of course." Mikan smile one last time at her friend before turning and walking back to her seat.

The door of the pavilion opened to present a beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair and cold blue eyes, Luna Kouzumi and behind her is another woman with icy blue hair and unlike Luna's, the second woman has gentle blue orbs, Nobara Ibaragi. The two concubines of the emperor bowed to the empress.

"Heika," the two greeted with their heads still bowed before turning to the prince, "Denka, congratulations on your birthday."

"Welcome, Luna no Kimi, Nobara no Kimi." Mikan greeted back, while the prince just nodded in thanks, looking mainly at the latter. Of the two, she favors Nobara rather than Luna. The blue haired woman has a gentle aura around her while the other has an unapproachable demeanor. "Sit down, the celebration will start shortly." The two bowed their heads before turning to their seats by the other side of the emperor's throne.

As if on cue, the door opened once again to reveal a man wearing a sokutai. Upon seeing him, everyone stood up, including the empress, crown prince and the two consorts, and bowed their heads. The man's presence demands respect and attention. Mikan raised her head and looked at the newcomer. An angular face framed with raven black hair that is usually messy but fixed just for the occasion, pale skin that radiates beauty. The man suddenly raised his head and their eyes met in a searing gaze. Gentle brown eyes made contact with hard ruby orbs, before Mikan broke it to bow her head once more.

"Tenno Heika, Hyuuga Natsume-sama."

A/N:

Heika-Your majesty

Denka- Your royal highness

No Kimi- used to denominate Lord and Ladies of the court

Sokutai- emperor's court dress, worn for special occasions

Tenno Heika- His Majesty the Emperor


	3. Memori

The emperor walked in the middle of the pavilion towards his throne beside the empress and sat, also signaling the others to take their seats. Once all were seated, the musicians started playing to mark the opening of the celebration. Performers danced to the music, entertaining the visitors.

"Okaa-chan, will I have a party like this on my birthday?" princess Sayuri asked the empress.

"We will see, Sayuri-hime." Her mother answered.

"It's only fair if I also have it, right?" the little girl said, making those around her smile.

"We will definitely have it for your birthday, hime." The emperor said, softening at his daughter's wide smile.

"Really, otou-sama? I can have musicians and performers at my party too?" Sayuri asked, excited at the thought of her birthday.

"Of course, nothing but the best for my children." Natsume answered, pleased at his princess' enthusiasm.

"Thank you, otou-sama!" the girl chirped.

Mikan laughed, "Sweetheart, don't get too excited yet. Your birthday is still five months away." She said, making her four year old pout. The mother turned to her son, "Are you enjoying the party, son?"

The boy looked at his mother, "Yes, the musicians and artists are very skilled, I'm thankful that they readied themselves for this occasion."

"Naturally, because it's for their prince." Mikan said. After she turned to the consorts, "Are you comfortable, Nobara no Kimi, Luna no Kimi?"

"Yes, Mikan-sama. The performance is excellent." Luna answered simply. "It would have been great if my son, prince Akio was here to watch it too." She added.

Mikan turned to stare at the other woman. "Yes, it would have been wonderful. Why did you not bring him along?"

"Unfortunately, the prince is not feeling well, Your Majesty."

"Did you already have him checked by the royal physicians? Make sure the prince will be able to recover; it will be his first birthday soon. Speaking of which visit my palace today, we will discuss the arrangement for the prince's first year." Mikan asked.

"Yes, thank you, Mikan-sama." Luna said.

"I will come by your palace later, Luna. Visit the queen tomorrow. That is fine with you, isn't it, my empress?" Natsume asked, referring to Mikan.

Mikan looked at her husband, the smile on her lips threatening to waver at the question. The Yukiharas who were positioned near the seat of the royals heard the question and subtly twitched. Yuka turned to her daughter, who was obviously discomposed by the blatant dismissal of her words. "Of course, your majesty. It is fine, visit me tomorrow, Luna." She blurted out.

The gong sounded, signaling the end of the dance. Just in time for Mikan who bit her lip, trying to stop it from trembling. Michiko inconspicuously looked at her mistress and saw the woman's visible distress. The emperor stood and all noises stopped.

"Today is a special occasion for the royal family and also for the people of this nation. Today is the seventh birthday of my and the empress's first born son. This day will also mark the day that he will be officially crowned as the crown prince, who will succeed me in the future." Natsume announced before beckoning his son to stand beside him. "Hyuuga Ryuunosuke, your crown prince and your future emperor."

The people all stood and bowed low to show their respect for the prince. Mikan smiled as she looked at her son. _"Finally, my son. Make me proud."_

After the celebration, an attendant approached Michiko. "Michiko-san, please tell the empress that Yuka-sama will be waiting at Mikan-sama's palace." Michiko nodded before relaying the message to her mistress. Mikan searched the pavilion but her mother was no longer there. After a few moments of waiting, the royal family finally left the pavilion.

"Mikan-sama," Nobara's gentle voice made Mikan turn towards the girl who called her attention, "please congratulate the crown prince for me, I was not able to give him my greetings as I was seated too far from him."

"Of course, thank you very much." Mikan simply said before she smiled and started to walk away.

Her mother was waiting in front of her palace with the attendants when Mikan finally arrived. "Mikan-sama," Yuka began, "If I may have a few moments."

"Please come in." Mikan answered before turning to Michiko, "Have the servants prepare tea for us."

Inside, Mikan took her place while her mother sat in front of her. "I see you still don't have the emperor's affection." Her mother finally spoke after a moment of silence.

"You know it's not that easy, love does not come naturally for everyone." She answered.

"Yes, it does not. Your father and I were married through an arrangement made by our parents. But after a year, we fell in love and had you and your brother. Why is it that you have been married for-" Yuka was cut off when Michiko spoke.

"Your Majesty, may I come in?" the attendant asked.

"Yes, come in Michiko." The woman entered bringing with her a tray with a teapot and two ceramic cups. Michiko knelt was about to pour tea when Yuka spoke.

"You may go now; I will pour tea for the empress." Michiko stood and bowed before heading for the door.

The older woman picked up the kettle and poured tea for her and her daughter. "As I was saying, why is it that it has already been eight years and your relationship has not progressed even a bit?" Yuka questioned. "Mikan-sama, I'm speaking to you as your mother, so please do not be offended. Why does he favor Kouzumi Luna over you?"

"Does he really have to love me back?" Mikan asked in return.

Yuka stopped stirring her tea and looked at her daughter before putting the teaspoon down. "Did you just ask me that, Mikan-sama? Then let me ask you, did you really have to fall in love with him?"

It was Mikan's turn to stop, the two was quiet before Mikan finally answered. "The first time I met His Majesty was when I was just six years old. That day was just like this one, it was his seventh birthday, his official coronation as crown prince." Mikan stopped to take a sip from her tea.

"I didn't like him then because he has cold and arrogant eyes. But mother, you spoke to me then. 'Mikan, one day, the crown prince will have to look for a wife, a woman who will be his crown princess. When that day comes who definitely have to go and participate in the selection. It has to be you.' That's what you told me. It's you who wanted me to take this position, you never said he has to fall in love with me." Mikan added.

"Yes, but then, I never told you to fall in love with him as well, did I?" Yuka said back. "And even when I told you that, you almost failed didn't you? To that girl-"

"Mother," Mikan cut off, "Please do not speak of her in front of me."

Yuka sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry. Answer my other question then, why does he favor Luna Kouzumi over you, that woman who did not even come from a wealthy family. I can accept Nobara Hijiri, at least she came from one of the prestigious clans. But that Kouzumi, where did she come from?"

"Please do not speak of her like that, she is still Natsume- sama's consort."

"How can you still defend her? She is going to steal your position as empress if someone does not put her in her right place and who else will be able to do that but you?" Yuka said. "The emperor is in her palace which is located at the far end of this court and yet he does not even make time to see you while your palace is right beside his."

"Mother," Mikan sighed, "It's fine. And I do see him, you know."

"Really? When? Every time you come to his chambers to sleep with him? And how many times is that? Once a week?" Yuka asked incredulously.

"You are overstepping boundaries." Mikan said in a dark tone, before she sighed. "It is getting dark, please go home now. I want to rest."

"Alright, but remember this Mikan-sama, if he continue to act like this towards you, the clan won't take it sitting down." Yuka warned before she stood up and left the room.

Mikan sighed, "Michiko." She called.

The shouji door slid open to reveal her attendant. "Yes Mikan-sama?"

"Let's take a walk, I want to feel the fresh air." She informed, " But first, help me take off this junihitoe. Mother was already waiting so I did not even have time to take this off, I feel like I've sweat off buckets."

Both women laughed as Michiko helped Mikan remove the layers of her junihitoe leaving only the kosode, nabagakama and the hitoe. After folding the other garments, Michiko led her mistress outside where Mikan spends most of her time. Outside empress's palace, there is a flower garden and a stone bench facing a koi pond.

"Is there something wrong with me, Michiko?" Mikan spoke.

Michiko turned to look at the woman, "What do you mean, Your Majesty?"

Mikan just smiled sadly. "Why does he not love me back?" The empress sat on the bench. The moon is already high in the night sky. Cherry blossoms are falling from the Sakura tree right beside the bench.

"_How long must I compete with a memory of a dead person?"_

A/N:

Kosode- is the first layer of the junihitoe.

Nabagakama- Long pleated skirt that prevents the other layers of the junihitoe from getting stained.

Hitoe- Unlined silk robe


	4. Kokuhaku

The next morning, after Mikan had her breakfast, her other attendant, Ayame, came in after having permission to enter.

"Mikan-sama, here are the kimonos you can use tonight." Ayame said.

"Tonight?" Mikan asked, putting down her utensils.

"Your Majesty, have you forgotten what tonight is?" At Mikan's questioning look, Michiko continued. "Tonight, the emperor will come here to… to sleep with Mikan-sama." The attendant blurted out, making all three of them blush.

"Michiko! Don't say it like that, it's embarrassing!"Mikan exclaimed, willing her blush to fade.

The two attendants laughed. "It's Mikan-sama's fault for forgetting and forcing me to say it out loud." They laughed again making Mikan laugh as well.

"Let's see what you got there," Mikan diverted the topic, coming over to pick at the kimonos. There is a wide variety of colors and designs but all were lined with golden patterns in the skirt to indicate her status as empress. Mikan held up a black kimono with a cherry blossom design directly above the heart partnered with a red obi. "I'll use this." She informed.

The two nodded and started folding back the kimonos before placing it in a box. "Mikan-sama, you must be beautiful tonight then Natsume-sama will be completely enamored by you." Ayame said.

Mikan just shook her head and sighed. "I already have two children; I'm too old for that."

"Mikan-sama, you're not old at all!" Michiko exclaimed. "You're only twenty four years old."

Mikan sighed again, "Yes, we got married very early, Natsume-sama and I. I gave to the crown prince at seventeen." The empress said. "Speaking of the crown prince, I'll go visit him in his palace."

Walking to her son's residence, Mikan had the chance to look around the grounds. Several palaces are built for different family members but only the emperor's first family has a palace for every member, the consorts share theirs with their children. Mikan was enjoying her peaceful stroll when she saw something that made her blood run cold. In the emperor's garden stood no other than Luna, laughing with the emperor and their son, prince Akio.

"Mikan-sama," Michiko worriedly said, seeing the source of her mistress's distress.

Mikan swallowed, clearing her suddenly tight throat. Looking at the scene, Mikan suddenly felt nauseous. Her husband never spent time with her, when Ryuu was born, he would just come by to take the child with him and then come back after a few hours, the same happened when Sayuri was born. Seeing him with Luna and their son reminded Mikan of all those times she spent alone waiting for Natsume to bring her child back, wondering what they were doing.

"Let's go back." Mikan said, turning back to the direction of her palace.

"Mikan-sama, what about your visit to the prince?" Michiko asked

"I can't let my son see me like this." She answered.

Once she reached her residence, Mikan immediately entered but not before telling everyone not to disturb her. Mikan sat on the futon that serves both as her seat in the morning and her bed at night.

"_Natsume-sama, you never smile in my presence and yet with her you can even laugh." _Mikan thought before releasing the sob she had been holding in ever since she saw the scene in the emperor's garden. Not once did he ever show that he at least cared about her. For the first time, her calm demeanor broke as she cried and cried., letting eight years worth of bitterness and longing for her husband break out. After a few hours, Mikan finally calmed down, closing her eyes to relieve the soreness from crying.

"Mikan-sama," Michiko called from outside, "may I come in?"

Mikan took a deep breath before she called out, "Yes, come in."

Once inside, Michiko spoke. "Your Majesty, Luna-sama is outside, asking to see you. She said you asked her to come and visit you today."

"Ah, yes. Do I look okay? No puffy eyes?" She asked.

"You look as beautiful as always, Mikan-sama." The other woman answered.

"A loyal attendant, you are." She joked. "Let her in."

Michiko went outside and when the door opened again, it was Luna who came through it. The consort bowed waiting permission to sit. Mikan was almost tempted to not invite her to sit and then drag the conversation for two hours, but the manners her mother impressed upon her ruled out so instead she said, "Welcome, Luna. Please sit down."

"Thank you, Your Majesty." The other replied. "I came here for the discussion of the prince's birthday."

"Yes, I trust that the prince is in good condition now?" She asked unnecessarily, as she already saw them earlier.

"Yes, it was just a common flu. The prince is better now."

"That's good. So, regarding the upcoming birthday, what do you have in mind?" Mikan asked.

"I was thinking if Mikan-sama will allow us to have a celebration too?" Luna asked.

"A celebration?" Mikan asked.

"Yes, Mikan-sama. It is the prince's first birthday after all."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Mikan questioned. "Once I have it organized, I won't change it anymore."

"Yes, Your Majesty." The pink haired woman confirmed.

Mikan looked at the other woman; this is actually the first time she looked at the woman up close. The first time she saw Luna was when she bestowed the title of royal consort to her. The other times are events where the woman was always seated at the opposite side of her. _"She looks a bit familiar." _Mikan thought.

"Mikan-sama? Are you alright?" Luna's voice broke through Mikan's reverie.

Mikan jolted. "Ah, yes. I'm fine. If that's all, you may go now." The empress saw the other squirm a bit. "Is there something else?" she asked.

The woman hesitated before speaking, "About the arrangement of the celebration-"

"I will handle it, do not worry. As a prince, your son is also my son. The event will be perfect." Mikan interrupted.

The woman stood and bowed, "Thank you, Your Majesty." Luna said before leaving the room. After a few moments Michiko and Ayame entered the room after a 'Come in' from her.

"I thought she was going to stay for a long time." Ayame said, referring to Luna. Mikan just laughed at her attendant.

"Mikan-sama, the emperor will be here soon. You must get ready." Michiko informed.

Mikan got up and allowed them to dress her. They took off her kimono before replacing it with the one she picked earlier. After, they sat her down before fixing her hair, braiding it to one side and securing it with elastic designed with lots of jewels. Once done, Michiko and Ayame left the room leaving Mikan alone. Half an hour later, the attendants announced the emperor's arrival. Mikan stood and dusted herself off just before the shoji door opened and the crimson eyed man entered her room.

"Natsume-sama," The empress bowed to the only person above her in the kingdom. _'Yes, this man is the only one I'll ever bow to.' _"Please sit down." She said gesturing to the futon she normally used, while she sat down to another futon that was prepared beforehand. The servants entered with platters of appetizing food and served them to the emperor and the empress.

"Congratulations," Natsume said, as Mikan poured tea for both of them.

Mikan carefully placed the teapot down, "For?" she asked.

"For the prince's coronation yesterday, congratulations."

"Thank you, Your Majesty." Mikan humbly replied, "Congratulations to you as well."

The rest of the dinner was spent in what should have been peaceful silence, but for Mikan it was anything but. She could feel her husband's eye on her the whole time! After the servants whisked away the dishes, the two replaced their tea with sake. The candles lighting the room were also taken by the maids leaving only two, one on the table right beside them and the other by the door, already out. Mikan squirmed under the emperor's gaze. Unable to hold out much longer, she finally spoke. "Is there something you want to ask, Natsume-sama?"

Natsume brought down his cup before he replied, "I just noticed that you are always calm. Never losing your hold on yourself."

Mikan paused for a moment before speaking, "Not at all, Your Majesty."

"Oh? I don't think you ever even cried." Her husband retorted.

"I maybe the empress but I'm still human, when I'm hurt, I cry. You just didn't know because you were never there to see it." She said, staring straight at Natsume's eyes.

The man stared back at her for a long time before laying a hand open towards her as if wanting her to take it. Mikan broke eye contact to look at the hand offered to her. After a few seconds, Mikan moved her hand to take it. Upon contact, a shiver crawled in her spine. Natsume held the small hand tightly before tugging the owner to him.

Mikan gasped when she collided on the emperor's sculpted body. "Natsume-sama," she exclaimed. Her husband just reached for the lamp before blowing it out. Another hand landed on her waist, anchoring her towards him. Soft lips connecting with hers made Mikan lose her composure. Only at times like these did Mikan feel that she has a husband and in those times she felt like she was actually loved. It was in those times that she felt like saying,

"I love you so much, Natsume-sama."

Blood red eyes opened as Mikan gasped.


	5. Uwasa

Mikan tried to calm her erratic heartbeat as Natsume loosened his hold on her waist to look at her face. "What did you say?" he asked.

Mikan gulped, "I-I said," she began, in front her was no longer her husband who touched and held her softly instead there was the cold hearted emperor. Mikan steeled herself and replied, "You heard what I said, why must I repeat it?" Vulnerable Mikan was also gone replaced by strong Mikan who endured eight years of pain and loneliness in the confinement of her palace.

"You can't love me," Natsume answered, looking at his wife's face. Just a few moments ago, her eyes were still wide with shock from her confession. It was the also first time he heard her stutter. In the years that they have been married, never had he seen her lose composure, always so calm, face so serene as if no problem has ever come to her. And she looked like that now, as if wearing a mask that she very rarely takes off.

"Really? Why is that?" Mikan snapped, stung by her husband's words.

"Because I won't be able to return it," he answered. Natsume saw a sliver of pain pass through the woman's beautiful face. Mikan swallowed, trying to clear her suddenly blocked throat. She straightened herself and placed some more distance between the two of them. "I can't love you back."

"Why not?" she choked, "Natsume-sama, I've been waiting for eight years for the day that you will finally look at me." A tear fell from Mikan's eyes, letting her emotions control her words. "When we had a son, I thought you would finally be happy with me, but no, you took Hijiri Nobara as your consort. After we had a daughter, again I hoped that you would be happy, but you did the same thing, you took Kouzumi Luna as another consort. Why? Why can't I be enough? Why must you look for other women when you have me?" This time Mikan's tears are falling continuously down her face.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't know why you chose them? Isn't it because Nobara has the same characteristics as her?" Mikan continued bitterly.

"What are you-?"Natsume started.

"Don't make a fool out of me. Nobara has the same helpless atmosphere, the damsel-in-distress disposition. And Luna, she has the same face, strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. It's because they both remind you of Keiko, isn't it?" She asked.

Natsume remained quiet.

"So I'm right." Mikan concluded, "If you expect me to start acting like her, then it will be your wishful thinking. Natsume-sama, you don't need someone to protect. You need someone who will be able to support you and keep you on that throne."

"Kogo, stop." Natsume warned.

"Why? It's true. One day, you'll be thankful that you have me." She said, wiping her tears. "Look at me, Natsume-sama." Once she has the emperor's attention, she continued. "I'll always be here as long as you need me. I will always offer you my full support because you're the one I love. And Natsume-sama, whether you like it or not, you will always need my support." She finished, standing up to take her outer kimono off, leaving on her kosode before laying down on her futon with her back to the emperor.

There was a long silence until Natsume spoke, "I don't need your support, keep it to yourself." Instead of lying down, the emperor stood and left the room. That night, Mikan cried herself to sleep.

The next day, in the Emperor's palace:

Natsume was still thinking about everything his wife said when his head servant, Hiroshi, announced, "Natsume-sama, Nogi-sama is here to request an audience."

"Let him in," Natsume said. After a few moments, Nogi Ruka came in.

"Natsume-sama," the blond greeted, bowing to him before sitting down. The man looked at his friend before he sighed.

Natsume raised his head to stare at the newcomer, "Spit it out, Ruka. And you don't have to be so formal." He said.

Ruka sighed again before speaking, "May I ask why you did it?"

"What do you mean?" Natsume asked.

"What do you mean, what do I mean?" Ruka answered, "People are talking on how you left the empress's chambers last night instead of sleeping there. I don't even know how people knew about that, Hotaru is furious ever since she heard. She's blaming me, you know,. She is the empress's closest friend and I'm your best friend." The man sighed again and continued, "You shouldn't have done that, you shamed your own wife."

Natsume didn't answer. He was mad last night and he didn't think before he acted. The next thing he knew he was already in his palace. "That won't affect her, that woman is just like your wife, always so composed."

"That's not the point, Natsume-sama." Ruka replied, "The point is that your making her lose face as the empress."

At the empress's palace:

"Mikan-sama, please get up. You have to eat, you already skipped breakfast. At this rate, you're going to get sick." Michiko pleaded with her mistress who refused to eat her lunch. Mikan pretended not to hear as she forced herself to forget the words her husband said before he left.

"Mikan-sama! Mikan-sama!" came Ayame's frantic voice from outside. Mikan sat up in shock before looking at Michiko who was also startled.

"Come in," Mikan said, after getting permission, an obviously distressed Ayame came in.

"Mikan-sama! Have you heard of the rumors in the palace?"

"Calm down, Ayame. What rumors are you referring to?" Mikan said, trying to ease her attendant's nerves.

"Someone spread rumors about how the emperor left last night instead of sleeping here with you, Mikan-sama! Even the people outside the palace know about it!" Ayame exclaimed.

Michiko gasped as Mikan's eyes widened in shock, "W-what?"

"Mikan-sama, if this continues people will start to talk about your relationship with the emperor," Michiko said. Mikan's body slouched as if losing all strength. She turned away from the two as she lay down once again.

"Mikan-sama," Ayame cried, "How could this happen to you?"

"It already happened," Mikan's voice broke, "There's nothing we can do. Leave me, I want to rest."

Mikan was about to close her eyes when a servant announced that her mother is outside. Mikan sighed and allowed them to let her in, signaling the two attendants to leave them alone.

"Look at you, withering away while the people talks about you and how you will soon lose your position to the much favored consort, Kouzumi Luna." Her mother began. Mikan still did not get up, "Are you really going to be like this?"

"Mother, what do you want me to do?" she asked.

"I want you to get up and show those people that you are the empress and you will stay in that position until the day that your son ascends to the throne." The older woman replied.

Mikan slowly got up from her position and turned to her mother, "Does the clan know?"

"Of course they do! Why do you think I'm here?" Yuka asked. "Fix yourself, I'll be going now."

"You're planning something aren't you? Usually, talks like this would last longer." Mikan asked suspiciously.

"Do you think I will just sit here and do nothing while that woman shakes your position as empress?" Yuka hissed, "I won't allow it."

Yuka got up and after a bow, left the room. Outside servants paid their respects to her as mother of the empress. "Come, Youko." She said to her attendant, "We will visit Kotaigo-sama. It's time for her to repay her debt."

A/N:

Kotaigo- empress dowager or the wife of the former emperor


	6. Itami

"Mother certainly is planning something," Mikan said, once she called Michiko back into the room after the older woman left.

"Why do you say that, Mikan-sama?" The attendant asked.

Mikan turned towards the other girl, "Michiko, my whole life as a child, I spent watching my mother. I was trained to become a perfect noble woman. In my eyes, that's my mother." Mikan paused, looking hesitant, "I know how she thinks. And I know she's onto something."

"What would that be?" Michiko asked.

"Now, now, Michiko. I may know how my mother thinks, but it doesn't mean I know _what_ she's thinking." She turned to her companion, "Is stalking above or below my position as empress?"

Michiko gasped, "Kogo-sama, you definitely must not do that!" the girl exclaimed, "I'll do it for you!"

Mikan laughed at her pleading attendant, "Will you really?"

"Of course, Mikan-sama. I'll do anything for you" Michiko replied. At the answer, Mikan softened.

"Thank you, Michiko. I appreciate it." Mikan sighed, "You and Ayame are my only companions here in this lonely place. Don't leave, okay?"

"We're not going anywhere, Mikan-sama," the girl promised, "Have you forgotten? We were the ones with you when you entered the palace to be a candidate for the position as crown princess," Mikan smiled at the memory, "We were also the ones with you when you won it. We officially became your attendant then. I was the one who comforted Mikan-sama when you cried in the palace for the first time because you missed your family. When you became the empress of this nation, still we were with you. All those times, up to now that you have the crown prince and the princess, we've been with you. How can we leave you now?" The attendant asked.

"You're right. I remember how you cried along with me when I was struggling in giving birth with the prince and the princess and how you smiled and laughed with me when it was all over. You were the one with me when as I watched them grow." The empress smiled, looking fondly at the other girl, "Michiko, do you know? You're the only one I trust with my life. Even my husband, I'd never trust him with it. Because I know, he'd choose someone else over me, just like he always does."

"Mikan-sama, thank you. I promise, I'll never fail you nor will I ever leave your side."

"Thank you, Michiko. Don't worry; I'll also be here for you." Mikan said, smiling at her most prized attendant.

"Kotaigo-sama, someone is requesting for an audience with you." A servant announced making Hyuuga Kaoru look up from the book she is reading.

_'It must be my son or the empress or better yet, it must be my grandchildren who came to visit their poor grandmother.' _ She said to herself and in a louder voice, called out, "Let them in." Looking down at her book once more, the empress dowager waited for the visitor to enter.

"Kaoru-sama, it has been a long time." The voice made the red eyed woman look up in shock, "I hope you have been well."

Kaoru looked up at the woman in front of her, Brown hair and brown eyes and a face that is the exact replica of her daughter-in-law's. "Yuka," Kaoru muttered in shock. "t-take a seat." She offered.

"Thank you, kotaigo-sama." The other woman said, sitting down on the tatami mat placed directly in front of the royal woman.

"Well, indeed, it has been a long time, Yuka." Kaoru began before continuing, "May I know your reason of visit?

Yuka clenched her fist beneath the layers of her kimono, "Pretending is not a becoming trait for a member of the royal family, Kaoru-sama."

Said woman sighed, "Is this about the rumors concerning your daughter?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I came here for." Yuka replied, "How can you let this kind of thing happen?"

"My son is not an easy person to handle, even if you come to me, I can't do anything about it, Yuka." The former empress answered.

"How can you say that? You can't do anything? So you won't at least try to talk to him?" the brown haired woman asked incredulously.

"Do you think talking to him will change anything? It's not that easy."

"It's my daughter's pride that's on the line and I'll do everything for her." Yuka began, "Even if I have to remind you the things you see to have forgotten, Kotaigo-sama."

At Yuka's words, the empress dowager visibly paled. "Y-yuka, don't do this. Fine, I'll talk to him." Finally getting what she came for, Yuka smiled at stood up.

"Thank you, your highness. I know you would see things my way." the woman said, bowing to the former empress before leaving.

"Let's go back, Youko." Yuka uttered.

The attendant nodded before following her mistress, "Yuka-sama, is this alright? You're playing as a bad person."

"If I have to blackmail her in order to help my daughter, I will do it. Mikan is everything to me, my only child. After all, Rei was just a child my husband took in."

"Do you know who Rei-sama's parents are?"

"No, I don't. Izumi won't tell me." Yuka sighed, "So in truth, Mikan is our only child. And I'll do everything I can to save her."

"Natsume-sama, kotaigo-sama is here to see you."

After a few moments, the door opened and the emperor's mother strode in. "Natsume-sama," the woman greeted.

"Mother," Natsume said, "Welcome, please sit down."

A servant entered and served the two royals tea. "To what do I owe this visit?"

Kaori sighed and looked at her son, "You know, Natsume-sama, when I became the crown princess, I never thought that it would be so hard. I grew up in a family oriented home and being away from the people I love, it was hard. Did you know what helped me get through? It was your father, because he was kind enough to support me through my pain and sadness. Don't you think it's time for you to support the empress too?"

It was Natsume's turn to sigh, "You heard about the rumors, too." he said the statement as a fact. "Well, they're not exactly rumors."

"Natsume-sama, one thing that your father never did to me was to bring me shame. Your wife is someone you should protect, not someone you're going to feed to the wolves." Kaoru said in a reprimanding tone.

"That woman, she does not need protection." Natsume retorted, sipping his tea. "And also, you never interfered with my relationship with the empress before, what's with the change of mind?"

"Because of what you did last night, Mikan-sama's mother found it necessary to talk to me." Kaoru sighed; she knew it would be hard to make his son understand. "Natsume, every woman, no matter how strong she is, will still need a husband's support. A woman can only take so much pain before she gives up." the mother stood and started walking for the door.

"You will regret it if you lose the one person who loves you most because you're too busy making other's look at you the way she does. I know that you know that ever since she stepped into the palace she has been in love with you and that love grew stronger and stronger with time. Don't lose it to pride, my son." With those words, the former empress walked out of the room and left her son to think about her words.


	7. Unmei

"Mikan-sama, the crown prince is here to see you." Michiko informed, making her mistress smile widely and immediately give her permission.

"Mother," her son greeted, "how have you been?"

"I've been well, my son." Mikan answered, "Well? Who should I thank that, finally, my son remembered her poor, poor mother who suffers alone in this lonely palace?" the mother teased.

"I think it's you has forgotten about me. Usually, mother would visit me the day after my birthday, but this year you didn't." Ryuu replied.

"Huh? I did visit-!" Mikan stopped herself, remembering what happened the day she was supposed to go to her son's palace. Exchanging a look with Michiko, the empress composed herself, "Ah, Yes. I wasn't able to go this time. Well, I have a valid reason, it's because I discussed the preparation of prince Akio's birthday with Luna." Mikan gasped and turned to Michiko, "Find the director that organizes palace celebrations and tell him to be here tomorrow morning!"

The attendant jumped and immediately got out of the room to fetch the person. Ryuu laughed at his mother's disgruntled look. "You forgot, mother?"

The empress sighed and pouted at her son, "It's good that you went and visited me, Ryuu-chan. I would have been in huge trouble if I forgot to organize the prince's party."

The young successor to the throne smiled softly at his mother and got up to embrace her. "Mother, it must be really hard for you."

"Ryuu-chan?" Mikan asked, baffled at her son's sudden change of mood.

"You're always the one who gives time to do these kinds of things and yet you're always alone." The prince looked up to his mother, "Aren't you sad all the time?"

Mikan laughed and hugged her little boy close to her, "Just a bit, because you visit me all the time. So does your sister, Sayu-chan, and also Nobara and her princess." She replied, "You don't have to worry about me, Ryuu-chan."

"Yes, your mother is just fine." A voice spoke, making the other two separate.

"Natsume-sama!" Mikan exclaimed getting up along with the boy.

"Otou-sama! Have you come to visit mother too?" Ryuu asked.

"Ryuu, don't ask such-."

"Yes, of course. She might get lonely, after all." The emperor interrupted, looking at his wife. "Would you mind leaving us for now, son?" Natsume asked. "And tell the attendants not to disturb us, alright?"

The young boy immediately nodded, smiling widely. "Yes, otou-san! I'll see you soon, mother!" At that, their son left the room, leaving the alone in a tense silence.

Mikan swallowed before she spoke, "Natsume-sama, please sit down."

The man sat down on the tatami mat and looked at her as if waiting for her to sit down too. Taking the hint, Mikan took the seat in front of him.

"Is there anything you need?" Mikan repeated.

"The empress of this nation is a very fortunate woman. She got all the support she need." The emperor began, "Her powerful clan, the crown prince and even the empress dowager."

"P-pardon? Natsume-sama, what are you talking about?" the empress stuttered.

"Not getting your way must be something new for you. But remember this, Mikan, even if you have your clan, I also have mine." Natsume uttered, "Don't think you will get everything you want just because you have your supporters."

Mikan blinked back tears and met her husband's eyes, "Now, you're hurting me. I didn't say anything to empress dowager, in fact, I haven't seen kotaigo-sama since last week." She explained.

"Yes, I know. It was Yuka-san who talked to mother."

Mikan took a deep breath and spoke, "Natsume-sama, as I have said last night, I will always support you. And by that, I meant that all my supporters will also support you."

"Yes, and like I also said last night, keep it to yourself because I do not need it."

Mikan just smiled softly with a tinge of sadness, like a person who wants to say more but chooses not to. At her silence, the emperor stood and went to leave the room.

Mikan just sighed, "Michiko, come here."

"Mikan-sama, are you alright?" the attendant asked, kneeling in front of her.

"Yes, just tired. So many things happened since my son's birthday."

"Yes, that is true. Since you're tired, should I tell Nobara-sama and Haruka-sama to come back tomorrow?" Michiko asked.

"They're here? Let them in, I want to see them."

Michiko got up and went outside to let the consort and the princess in.

"Mikan-sama," the two greeted.

"Yes, sit down, both of you." Mikan said, smiling at the two visitors. "Haruka-hime, I have not seen you lately, were you busy?"

"Please forgive me, Your Majesty. I was busy with my lessons in etiquette." The girl who is the same age as her own daughter, Sayuri, replied.

"Is that so? It's fine, then. Even Sayuri-chan hasn't come to visit me these past few days." Mikan said, comforting the girl before she turned to the mother. "Have you been well, Nobara?"

"Yes, Kogo-sama. When I heard the rumors, I wanted to come visit you early in the morning but I thought that you might want to rest so I decided to go in the afternoon instead. I didn't know that the emperor would be here."

"Yes, I did not know as well. Thank for your concern, Nobara."

When the two left that night, Mikan was left with her thoughts. _'So mother spoke with the empress dowager. I knew that her leaving so easily is too good to be true.'_

"Mikan-sama, you have not eaten the whole day. Please eat and then rest." Michiko said, trying to convince her stubborn mistress.

"I do not have an appetite. Food and rest, I can't even think about those things now." Mikan sighed.

"But Mikan-sama, you must not do this. You have to take care of yourself more."

Mikan sighed again, "What time is it? Send someone to pick up my daughter. Maybe I'll get some peace of mind when she's around."

But that night, even with her daughter's form lying beside her, the young empress was not able to get a sound rest. Instead she dreamed, dreamed of a young girl with pink hair and blue eyes, the same as Luna's. The girl was beautiful, with a sunny smile on her face and a light laugh. Then the scene changed into a gloomy one, people all dressed in _Mofuku. _A woman crying over a casket and her husband trying to console her.

Mikan jolted awake, sweating profusely even though she was feeling cold. "Keiko-chan."

At the Yukihara clan meeting the next day:

"This must not continue!" An elder, Hatori, snapped.

"Just because he is the emperor does not mean he can do whatever he wants! He cannot just ignore Mikan-sama! He must learn to take care of the empress and support her as well!" Another elder, Arata, declared in agreement.

"There is nothing we can do if the emperor still does not return Mikan-sama's affections." This time, it was Izumi Yukihara, the empress's father, who spoke.

"Well, that's true, but still, letting her be shamed by the people is definitely too much." Arata replied.

"Does he not know how much help the empress can give him? Especially now, that some clans are revolting because of the new law he is about to establish."

"That's right. A law to unite the upper society with the lower society? That's absurd; no one from the upper society will stand with him. I doubt that even the Nogi clan would, and even if they will what difference would that make? There are so many more clans that belong in the upper society." Hatori said, shaking his head.

"The consort from the Hijiri clan may be able to offer support, but I don't think it will be the slightest bit helpful. The Hijiri may be part of the upper society but they are one of the clans that are at the bottom of it."

"Yes! And the Kouzumi consort, taking a woman from an ordinary family," Naoki, another elder huffed, "What was he thinking?"

"Izumi, tell your wife to talk to Mikan-sama."

"Why must she do that? Let them fix their own problems." Izumi replied calmly.

The elders all turned to look at him, "Are you just going to let your daughter suffer? Always protecting someone who would never turn to look at her?"

"If he continues this law, the upper society will have to choose sides. The side that opposes it? Or the side that supports it?" Hatori asked.

"Yes, we, the Yukihara's, won't be able to remain neutral forever. Even if it's for your daughter's sake. We will have to choose sides one day.

Izumi looked at them incredulously, "Do we even have to think about that? We must support the emperor, of course! He is Mikan-sama's husband."

"Why must we support someone who doesn't even care?" Naoki asked, "I am Mikan-sama's grandfather, your father. Embarrassing my granddaughter like that, why must I support him?"

"Exactly! If the opposing side wins there will be a change of emperor and the next in line is Mikan-sama's son, Ryuunosuke-sama. At least, the young prince has a deep attachment to his mother and he will be able to benefit us." Arata interjected.

The elders continued to debate whether they will stand with the opposition or choose to support the emperor instead.

Izumi sighed and stood, leaving the room to get a breath of fresh air. _'Why did I ever subject you to such a fate, Mikan-sama?'_

A/N:

Mofuku- a formal mourning kimono for men and women.


	8. Sentaku

The next morning, as Mikan was fixing herself, she received the visit that she had been waiting for since the celebration.

"Hotaru! You finally came!" the empress exclaimed while the raven haired girl bowed in greeting.

"Mikan-sama," her best friend began, "I thought you might need someone to talk to."

Mikan smiled sadly and sighed, "If even you found it necessary to come and comfort me, then it must really look bad for me, right?"

"No, it does not look bad," Hotaru glared at her, "It looks like a disaster in the making for you."

Mikan flinched while Michiko who was sitting by the corner, shivered in fright with the woman's tone.

"It's that bad, huh?" Mikan sighed again, "What do I do, Hotaru?"

"First, what's with your look? You look horrible."

"E-excuse me, Hotaru-sama," Michiko interrupted, glancing at her mistress first before continuing, "Please convince Mikan-sama to eat and sleep. Ever since the rumors started, Mikan-sama has not taken a bite of food and she has had difficulty in sleeping."

Hotaru turned away from the attendant to glare darkly at the empress, "Excuse me for my words, Mikan-sama but I think you have gone completely insane. Have you lost your mind, do you want to get sick?" turning again to the attendant, she snapped, "What are you waiting for? Go get her food to eat."

"But, Hotaru, I don't have an appetite." Mikan complained.

"Oh, you won't need your appetite when I'm shoving spoon after spoon of food in your mouth, _Mikan-sama_." Mikan shivered at the sadistic tone that her friend suddenly used.

'_I should have eaten.' _Mikan thought. "Hotaru, last night I had a dream. A dream about Keiko."

Hotaru met her eyes before speaking, "Keiko? The other candidate for the crown princess? The one who died of illness?"

"Pardon me, Hotaru-sama. Here is the food you asked for." Michiko interrupted, placing the tray of food down.

"Here, eat." Hotaru ordered, "Unless you really want me to feed you."

"No! I'll eat, Hotaru." Mikan exclaimed, glaring playfully at Michiko.

"Good, and answer my question, _that_ Keiko?"

Mikan swallowed a spoonful before answering, "Yes, her."

"What exactly happened to her, anyway? Natsume-sama covered it all up; I think she did some kind of crime."

"Something like that, yes. She attempted treason, actually. App-."

"I don't see you eating, Mikan-sama." Hotaru cut off.

Mikan glared and placed a spoonful to her mouth, "Happy? As I was saying, apparently, she belongs to one of the families who are angry with the former emperor for establishing the law that separates the rich families from the poor. So, in order to extract revenge, they decided to participate in the selection of the crown princess for the then crown prince, Natsume-sama." Mikan swallowed another spoonful of food and continued.

"Fortune was on their side, Keiko advanced to become one of the finalists, and the other was me, of course. But they were not able to anticipate Keiko's feelings, because she fell in love with Natsume-sama," Mikan took a deep breath and continued, "and he also fell in love with her. In the end, she became the crown princess."

The empress paused to take a sip of water, "But no secret will be hidden forever. Eventually, the truth came out and Keiko was executed."

"And her family was let off?" Hotaru asked.

"No, as the crown princess she was given a proper burial. Unfortunately, other families who are also in opposition of the law helped them escape right after they buried her. Many palace soldiers and civilians died that day. Up until now, no one knows where they are. Right after that, a ceremony was held to make me the crown princess as her replacement." Mikan finished just as she swallowed her last bite of food.

"What did she look like, anyway?"

"Strawberry blond hair, gentle blue eyes, sweet disposition, that's Keiko." Mikan answered.

"You mean deceptively sweet disposition." Hotaru retorted.

"No, she was genuinely kind, she was just used." The empress replied.

"By your description, doesn't she look like the consort, Luna?"

"Yes, except for the eyes. Luna has cold blue eyes while Keiko's were gentle."

"Maybe they're related," Michiko interrupted before she blushed and looked down, "S-sorry."

"No, I say it's possible." Hotaru said.

"And I say it's not." At Hotaru's look, she explained, "According to her records, she is an only child. And before you ask, yes, I did check when I had an inspection of the files concerning the inner court."

"Well, now that you've eaten, I'll get going then." Hotaru stood, "Oh, before I forget, I suggest you talk to your mother about the revolution."

"Revolution? Don't tell me this is about the reversal of the law given by the late emperor?"

"That's it. The members of the upper society won't allow it to happen. My marriage with Ruka is suffering. His family will obviously side with the emperor but my clan will side with yours."

"Has my clan made their decision?"

"No, not yet. But they will have to soon; the most powerful clan can't stay neutral forever." Hotaru replied.

"I'm sorry, Hotaru."

"Its fine, we'll work it out. Get some rest. I'll leave now." The amethyst eyed woman turned and left the room.

Mikan sighed, "I think I need to rest."

"You can't, Mikan-sama. Daichi-sama, the director you requested yesterday is outside." Michiko replied.

"What?" Mikan pouted, "Let him in."

A few moments later, the two were already discussing the prince's birthday.

"Take note of these, I want it to be grand, a celebration fit for a prince. Send out invitations for the different clans. Get performers to entertain the guests. Order the kitchen servants to cook delicious food. And as for my gift for prince Akio, settle a tent outside the palace on the day of his birthday and distribute food for the peasants. They will be thankful to the prince then."

"That's all, Kogo-sama?" Daichi asked.

"Yes, you may leave. Oh, visit me two days before the celebration. I will recheck everything."

At that, the man stood up and after a bow, left the room.

"Get me tea. I need to relax, my head hurts." Mikan ordered.

At the Yukihara estate:

"What did the council say?" Yuka asked her husband.

"They are angry with the emperor. If Natsume-sama's attitude towards Mikan-sama does not change, they might decide to oppose him." Izumi replied.

Yuka gasped, "That can't happen, if they oppose him, Mikan-sama will be stuck in the middle."

"I know, Yuka. If Natsume-sama continues to be like this, eventually, our daughter will also have to make her choice."

"I must go see her." Yuka said, standing up.

"Kogo-sama, Yuka sama is here to see you."

"Let her in," Mikan said, rubbing her temples. _'What is this about now?'_

"Mikan-sama," Yuka greeted.

Mikan smiled and gestured for her to take a seat, "Mother, you have been visiting me a lot these past few days,"

"Mikan-sama, I have come to make a request."

"A request? What is it?" the empress asked.

"Please plead with the emperor to take back the law that he wants to establish. The upper society won't stand for it, revolution will happen and you and my grandchildren will get stuck in the middle of it all."

"I know that, but the emperor won't ever listen to me. You know that, mother." Mikan explained.

"You must convince him. If not, you will have to choose sides. If Natsume-sama still does not change his attitude towards you, the clan will surely choose the opposing side and you will have to make your decision too. Who will you side with? Your husband who does not love you or your family that has always supported you?" Yuka smiled sadly at her only daughter, "Plead with him, beg him if you have to."

That night, Mikan was on her way to the emperor's palace. When the attendants and guard saw her they all bowed.

"Mikan-sama," an attendant asked, "What brings you here?"

"I'm here to talk to Natsume-sama, please tell him I'm here."

'_I'll support you no matter what.'_


	9. Kurushimi

"Natsume-sama," the empress began, sitting down in front of the emperor before turning to the other man present, "Nogi-san."

"Kogo-sama," the blond greeted, bowing to her, "I did not know that you will come to visit, I'll be going now."

"No, please sit down. Perhaps you can help me convince the emperor." Mikan said. Natsume raised a brow at her so she continued, "I have come to ask to convince Natsume-sama to delay the decree about uniting the societies."

"Delay? Why would I do that?" the emperor asked.

Mikan took a deep breath and replied, "Because it will fail." At her words, the emperor clenched his fists. "The clans from the upper society will not support this and they are already starting to revolt. Natsume-sama, you must gather support first."

"I have the Nogi clan and the Igarashi clan at my side." Natsume replied.

Mikan winced slightly at the mention of the Igarashi clan, "Do you think they will be enough? There are so many other clans that will oppose you, you can't take this risk. Delay the decree and gather support first, Natsume-sama."

Natsume's clenched fist came down on the table making it rattle but the empress hardly flinched, already expecting her husband's anger, "Do not order me around. I will push through with it and that's final."

"Natsume-sama, please calm down. The empress has a point. My clan is hardly enough to support you." Ruka interjected.

"No, it will be fine." Natsume snapped through gritted teeth.

"Sometimes I think you're doing this just to oppose me." Mikan began, "You know that I'm right, but you refuse to listen because it came from me, maybe it would have been better for me if I have sent Nobara or Luna to tell you."

"You're overstepping your boundaries, Kogo." Natsume warned.

Mikan sighed and used a gentle tone, "Please listen to me for once, Natsume-sama. What good will it do to rush things? I only have to convince my clan to give you their support then you can continue your plan."

The emperor huffed, "So they do not plan on supporting me."

"You can't blame them for it, with all the things that have gotten out of the palace walls. They will support me; I just have to make them support you too." Mikan explained.

Natsume looked hard at his wife before giving his reply, "Fine, I'll give you one week."

Mikan sighed in relief, "Thank you, once the Yukihira clan decides to support you, the Imai clan will as well."

Ruka nodded, "Yes, Hotaru's clan will be able to give huge support too."

"That's settled, you may go now, Mikan." The emperor said. Mikan stood and bowed before leaving the room.

When the door opened, Mikan saw none other than Luna who was shocked at being caught.

"Eavesdropping is not a good habit, Luna." Mikan reprimanded.

The woman looked down in embarrassment, "I'm sorry Kogo-sama."

The empress stared hard at the consort before walking past her to head for the empress dowager's palace.

"Mother!"Mikan turned at the call and saw her daughter running towards her.

"Sayuri!" the older woman smiled widely at the sight of the little girl.

The girl embraced her mother, smiling widely. "How have you been, mother?"

"First, no running in the palace grounds." She reprimanded playfully, "And I've been well, my dear. I would have liked to stay and have a chat with you, but I have somewhere to go. Why don't you visit my palace some other time?"

"Alright, mother. Maybe tomorrow." Sayuri replied.

Mikan smiled, "I'll be waiting then."

After a while, the empress finally reached her destination. "Tell kotaigo-sama that I'm here." She told the attendants. A middle-aged woman went inside and when she came back, allowed Mikan to enter the palace.

"Kotaigo-sama," the empress greeted.

The former empress smiled and told her to take her seat. "What brings you here, Mikan-sama?"

"I have come to make a request to you, mother" Mikan replied.

"A request?" the older woman laughed, "Finally! Someone who will make me feel useful."

Mikan bit her lip, "Mother, I think it is time to tell His majesty about the Igarashi clan."

"What?" Kaoru whispered, smile removed from her face.

"His Majesty thinks that your clan will be able to support him, if he continues to do so, it will be his downfall." Mikan continued, "Mother, I know it will be hard but it's for Natsume-sama's good."

Kaoru sighed heavily, "You know that once I tell him, he will get mad not only at me but you too, right?"

"Yes, but that is a risk I will take if it's for Natsume-sama." Mikan replied.

Kaoru smiled sadly at her daughter-in-law, "If only my son can see how much you're doing for him."

"It does not matter if he cannot see it, as long as I can help him." Mikan answered.

"Mikan-sama, may I enter?" Michiko asked from outside the room.

Mikan looked at the former empress and after receiving a nod, let the attendant inside. "What is it, Michiko?"

"News came from the emperor's palace, Mikan-sama."

"What news?" Kaoru asked.

Michiko hesitated before speaking up. "It seems that the emperor organized a special banquet for Luna-sama, that's why we saw her at the palace earlier, Mikan-sama."

"A banquet? For that woman?" Kaoru asked, incredulous.

Mikan sighed sadly, "You may leave now, Michiko."

"Mikan-sama," the empress began.

"Mother, if you are going to comfort me, please do not. I will become more pitiful if you do so. I will be going now." At that Mikan stood and left the room.

"Let's go back, Michiko."

"Mikan-sama, it is already midnight. Please go to sleep. You have not been able to sleep for days now." Michiko pleaded.

"That's not true; I slept the night Sayuri was here." Mikan replied.

Michiko sighed and resisted the urge to whine, "But Mikan-sama, you only slept for a bit that time and woke up because of a dream, remember?"

"Yes, yes. You may rest now, Michiko. I have to think." Mikan said, sending her persistent attendant out of the room.

Once alone the empress started to think. _'How do I convince the clan? Mother will not be able to help m this time. I have to talk to father; he will be able to talk sense to them.' _ Mikan poured tea and sipped silently. _'And Luna, somehow the talk with Hotaru scares me. But it's not possible, right? Keiko does not have any siblings and her family has been in hiding since eight years ago.'_

"My son, I have something to tell you." Kaoru began.

The emperor looked up from a book and turned to the empress dowager, "What is it, mother?"

"It's about my clan," Kaoru sighed heavily, "The Igarashi clan is no more."

The emperor placed the book down, "What do you mean?"

"My clan used to be one of the most powerful, yes. But in the past, something that you have no knowledge about happened." The former empress began. "My father, your grandfather, had a servant, a man named Kichirou. My father trusted that man so much that he entrusted our clan secrets to him."

"Your grandfather was a foolish man. He trusted too easily and in the end he brought our clan to ruins. That was eight years ago, but even now, the Igarashi clan has not been able to stand up again. A clan has been supporting us ever since, that is the Yukihira clan, the empress's clan."

"What?" Kaoru can see confusion in her son's eyes and she felt sad for fooling him all this time, "Then you mean, the clan that I have always believed was supporting me all along is actually gone and I have always been getting support from my wife's clan?"

"Yes, that's right. But don't get mad her for not telling you. I told her not to, but she came to me yesterday, asking me to admit everything to you." Kaoru reached for her son's hand and held it, "I'm sorry, Natsume-sama. Please forgive me."

The emperor looked at his mother's face, "How could you do this? I would have led the country to ruins thinking that I have at least two powerful clans by my side."

"I know, that's why I'm sorry. So listen to Mikan-sama, wait for her to make her move. She is the only one who will be able to support you." Kaoru searched his son's eyes, "Mikan-sama is only thinking about your good. Listen to her; do not mix your role as a husband with your role as an emperor."

"She will help you, Natsume-sama. She has always been helping you, with or without you knowing it." Kaoru said, "I'll leave you for now."

"Mikan-sama, you usually call for your mother. Why did you call for me this time?" Izumi began.

The empress smiled at her father, "It has been a long time since we actually spoke to each other, don't you think so, father?"

"Yes, it has been so long." Izumi replied, taking in his only child's face, "You do not look well at all."

"Yes, I have not been able to rest ever since the day after the crown prince's birthday. And I won't be able to rest until I know that all of these things that have been happening lately are settled."

"What do you mean, Mikan-sama? Do you need something?" Izumi asked.

"I need you to convince the elder's for me, father. If you want me to have my rest, give me assurance that my husband will have all the support he needs." Mikan answered. "Once the Yukihira clan makes their decision, the Imai clan will as well. Make them support him."

"It's not as simple as that, my daughter. The clan refuses to give support to him because they believe that he does not benefit us."

"Benefit us? Is that they're only concern?" Mikan asked incredulously, "They must support him whether he gives us benefit or not."

"I'll do everything I can, but if they still refuse, then there's nothing I can do." Izumi told his daughter.

"Fine, please give me the clan's answer in two days." Izumi nodded before leaving the room.

The empress sighed heavily before calling for Michiko.

"Yes, Mikan-sama?"

"Summon Nobara here, I need to talk to her." She ordered before she choked and clutched at her chest.

"Mikan-sama! What's wrong?" Michiko asked, worried about her mistress.

The empress heaved, trying to catch the breath that has suddenly left her lungs. "I'm fine, Michiko. Do what I said."

"But Mikan-sama-"

"Quickly! I need to talk to her." Michiko gave one last worried look and left the room.

Once Mikan was alone, she immediately started coughing and slumped slightly on her table. Stabs of pain were ripping through her chest area while the world spun around her making her closed her eyes to chase the dizziness away. After a few minutes, the door opened and hurried footsteps came.

"Mikan-sama, are you alright?" Michiko asked with Nobara right behind her.

"Mikan-sama, what happened to you?" Nobara asked, kneeling beside Mikan and pulling her body away from the table, "Michiko, arrange Mikan-sama's futon and get her a pillow."

Michiko immediately complied and the two laid the empress's weak body on the bed.

"Get the physician, Michiko." Once the attendant left, Nobara took Mikan's hand. "Mikan-sama, what's happening to you?"

"Nobara," Mikan said in a weak voice, "I'll be fine, I just need some rest. Listen to what I'm going to say." The empress continued, "Tell your clan to support His Majesty's decree. Your clan is very close to the Harada and Andou clan; they will support him as well if your clan does."

"Mikan-sama, please do not speak of this now, you must rest." Nobara begged.

"I will not be able to rest until I know that His Majesty will not fail. Tell them to support him, No-"the empress coughed before releasing a cry when her chest started to hurt again.

"Mikan-sama!" Nobara cried. Mikan heaved as tears fell from her eyes at the pain.

"Mikan-sama! Nobara-sama! The physician is here!" said Michiko as she came in with a middle aged man followed by two female nurses.

Nobara stood and gave way to the doctor. "Hurry! Check the empress's condition!" the blue haired woman turned to the attendant, "Send someone to inform Her Majesty's clan."

An hour later, the empress was in a better condition, "Nobara-sama," the physician called, "the empress is suffering from anemia, fatigue, general weakness and insomnia. I will make medicine for her and deliver it first thing tomorrow morning."

"Then what about her chest pains?" Nobara asked the same moment Yuka entered the room.

"Chest pains? The empress did not mention anything about that. Is something else bothering you, Mikan-sama?" the man asked as Yuka stiffened.

"N-no, my chest was hurting because of the cough. I'm fine, go back to your palace, Nobara. Thank you for helping me and don't forget what I told you." Mikan replied.

Nobara looked slightly doubtful but left after a bow. Once they were alone, Yuka went to the empress's side.

"Mikan-sama, are you feeling alright now?" she asked, taking the woman's hand in her own.

"Yes, mother." Mikan replied, smiling softly before a tear fell from her eye, "I think I triggered it."

Yuka released a sob and hugged her daughter close, "Why is this happening to you? Why must your sickness manifest now?" she asked, crying at her daughter's suffering.

"Don't cry, mother." Mikan said in a weak voice, "Please stop crying."

Instead of stopping, Yuka's tears fell faster and more sobs escaped her throat, "Forgive me, Mikan-sama. Forgive me for allowing you to suffer here alone. Forgive me for not giving birth to you as a healthy child. I truly wish that I could suffer all this pain in your place, and then you won't have to cry. It hurts so much every time I see you cry.

"It's okay, mother. It will all go right in the end."


	10. Arigato

"Let's go, Ruka." Natsume said, heading outside.

"Where are we going, Natsume-sama?" Ruka replied.

"I'll visit the empress's palace."

"Mikan-sama? You don't plan on arguing with her again, right?"

Natsume turned to his best friend, "I'm not that ungrateful. I'm going to..." the emperor mumbled.

"What? I didn't catch the last part."

"I said I'm… I'm going to thank her." Natsume felt the back of his neck heat up.

Ruka laughed, "You're blushing? That's a first."

"Be quiet." Natsume snapped.

The two reached the empress's palace and saw Nobara talking to a physician.

"Nobara, what are you doing here?" Natsume asked, the consort turned to him and bowed with the other people present.

Nobara went to him and replied. "Natsume-sama, we were just discussing the tonic and the medicine for Her Majesty."

"Tonic and medicine, Nobara-sama?" Ruka asked.

"Yes, Nogi-san. Mikan-sama collapsed last night." The consort replied.

"She's sick?" Natsume inquired, "Then why wasn't I informed of it?"

"Mikan-sama doesn't like to be an inconvenience to others, so the news didn't reach you."

"Let me see her." Natsume said.

Nobara looked up in surprise, "O-of course, Your Majesty. Michiko is inside tending to her."

"Then, I'll be going now, Natsume-sama. I think it would be better if I inform my wife since they're best friends."

Natsume nodded and entered the palace.

Michiko gasped when she saw the newcomer, "Natsume-sama!" the attendant bowed and after receiving signal, sat back once again to take care of the empress.

The emperor looked at his wife's vulnerable state. The woman looked smaller than usual and her breathing was shallow. Her long lashes, wet with the tears that involuntarily escapes her eye, is sticking to her skin. Despite all that, the empress still looked a lot like the beautiful woman that she is, with her waist-length hair braided to one side and her pale glowing skin.

"It's mid-day, she has not woken up once?" he asked.

"Mikan-sama was having difficulty in breathing last night and in sleeping as well. She only fell asleep when Yuka-sama forced her to." Michiko answered.

"What did the physician say?"

"He said it's because of fatigue, insomnia and the anemia caused by her lack of sleep and general weakness."

Natsume looked at the attendant, "Insomnia?"

Michiko hesitated before answering, "Mikan-sama has not been able to sleep well since the night that you left." The attendant looked down before continuing, "After that, the rumors started, then the revolution, then Mikan-sama started worrying about getting the clan's support for Natsume-sama. All those worrying did not give her time to sleep and eat."

Natsume looked at the woman once again and felt guilty for causing her illness. "She must me be angry with me."

Michiko looked up and started to shake her head, "No, please do not say that." The emperor turned to the woman, "Mikan-sama never harbored any negative feelings towards you. Mikan-sama has always had your best interest at heart and she only thought about your good all the time."

"Michiko," Michiko and Natsume both turned at the weak voice of the empress, "who are you talking to?"

"Mikan-sama! You're finally awake! How do you feel? You have to drink your tonic so it's good that you're awake." the attendant exclaimed, the empress still has her eyes closed but her lips were smiling.

"I'm feeling better, Michiko. Who were you talking to? My head still hurts so I can't open my eyes yet."

"Natsume-sama came to visit you, Your Majesty." Michiko replied.

"You may leave us now, Michiko." The emperor ordered. "Leave the empress's tonic, I'll handle it."

Michiko nodded and went to leave the room. Mikan tried to sit up when another wave of dizziness washed over her, making her wobble and fall when a pair of arms caught her and helped her. Mikan almost gasped when she felt the emperor's arms go around her and suddenly he found herself leaning on her husband's chest.

"N-natsume-sama," Mikan stuttered, trying to pull herself free.

"Stop struggling. You can't even sit properly." Natsume reached for the tonic in the table and handed it to Mikan, supporting her weak hold.

The empress was about to drink it when a laugh burst out of her. Natsume pulled the tonic in time before the empress spilled it on her. "What's wrong?"

Mikan laughed again before replying, "Nothing, Natsume-sama."

Natsume guided the tonic to her again when Mikan suddenly choked and let out another peal of laughter. "Really, what is it?" Natsume asked again, getting annoyed.

"Because you're touching my sides, it's tickling." She answered. "I can support myself now, Natsume-sama."

The emperor stood up and after making sure she won't fall, went to sit down in the tatami mat placed in front of her bed. Mikan took the tonic and was about to drink it when she saw the look in her husband's face and started laughing again.

"You have the same expression as my mother last night," At her words, the emperor glared. Mikan tried to calm herself down but ended up cracking up every time she sees his glare.

"Okay, I'm calm now." Mikan said, taking a deep breath and taking the tonic again. Finally, she was able to drink it. Seeing her husband's observing eyes, Mikan smiled softly when she noticed something, "Natsume-sama, were your eyebrows always like that?"

The emperor stiffened at the mention of his brows and started glaring at her. Instead of getting scared, Mikan started laughing again. That moment, the emperor's heart made its first beat for the beautiful empress.

"Mikan-sama, Luna sama is here to see you." Michiko announced.

Mikan looked up confused, _'How did she know? Did Nobara tell her?'_

"Let her in." she replied.

"Your Majesty," Luna greeted once inside the room. "I heard you were unwell so I decided to visit."

"Yes, thank you." Mikan said, smiling at the consort. "Take a seat. News spread fast in the palace don't they?"

Mikan noticed Luna stiffen slightly before smiling, "It sure does, Mikan-sama."

"Hm." Mikan hummed, staring at the other woman.

"I also came to thank you, for organizing the celebration for prince Akio's birthday, Mikan-sama."

"It's nothing, Luna." Mikan replied, smiling at the consort.

After a few minute of conversation, the woman took her leave.

"Michiko, if someone will betray in my palace, who will it be?" the empress asked.

"Did something happen, Mikan-sama?" the attendant asked.

"No, forget what I said."

"Mother! Mother!" footsteps sounded outside the room before the room burst open and her children came in.

"Mother! Is it true that you were sick?" Ryuu asked, sitting beside his mother and taking her hand. Sayuri, on the other hand, immediately cuddled to her mother.

"Father visited us earlier and told us to come to your palace because you were sick." Sayuri said.

Mikan laughed lightly, "Yes, I was sick. But I'm feeling better now. You have nothing to worry about."

The rest of the day was spent exchanging stories between the three. When night came, the emperor came by again.

"Natsume-sama, you're here." Mikan said, smiling lightly.

"Father! You came too!" Ryuu and Sayuri exclaimed, delighted in being in the same room with their parents.

"Both of you are still here? You're mother won't be able to recover if you don't give her time to rest." Natsume said.

"Don't say that, Natsume-sama. I'm happy that the three of you are here, it's very rare that all four of us are in the same room." Mikan began, "It's making me feel so much better."

"Shall we stay here then?" The emperor asked, making his wife and children turn to look at him, the former in surprise and the other two, in delight.

"Can we, Father?" Sayuri asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Please? Can we sleep here?" Ryuu begged his father.

Mikan laughed at the sight of her children pleading with their father who was obviously about to give in.

"Well," Natsume began, glancing at his wife who was smiling softly, "You're mother says it will make her feel better so if we want to speed up her recovery, we must sleep here right?"

"YES!" the two yelled, rushing to hug their father.

"Excuse me, Mikan-sama." Michiko called, "The physician is here to check on you, should I let him in?"

Natsume turned to the servant, "Of course, you should."

The servant left the room and came back with the physician who bowed to the royal family before kneeling beside the empress. The man reached for Mikan's wrist and felt her pulse. After a few moments of silence, the man spoke.

"Mikan-sama, are you having some difficulty in breathing?"

Mikan hesitated before nodding slightly.

"Your pulse is beating irregularly and faster than normal. Forgive me for my question, but it is necessary that I ask." The physician began, "Mikan-sama, do you have a heart condition?"

Mikan stiffened at the question and looked at the emperor. "Yes, I do." She replied in a weak voice.

The physician cleared his throat, "Please continue to drink the tonic I gave you, Your Majesty. I will deliver another tonic for your heart." After, the physician left.

"Mother, what's a heart condition?" Sayuri asked.

Mikan winced at her daughter's question, not wanting to explain it to the little girl.

"It's late, let's all sleep. After your mother takes her tonic that is." Natsume said, sparing Mikan from their daughter's innocent question.

Later, the family was already lying down, Mikan in between Natsume and Sayuri and Ryuu lying beside his sister. When the children were already asleep, Natsume spoke.

"Earlier, I actually wanted to thank you." He began, "For supporting me all this time, thank you. For helping my mother's clan, thank you. For worrying about me so much that it made you sick, thank you. Because of all that, I won't even reprimand you for not telling earlier that you have a heart condition."

Mikan turned to look at her husband, "Natsume-sama," she called, smiling softly, "Thank you, for finally acknowledging my efforts."

That night, Mikan had the best rest she has ever had in her eight years in the palace.


	11. Kataomoi

"Mikan-sama, Natsume-sama is here." Michiko announced.

Mikan looked up just as the emperor entered the room. She smiled as her husband sat on the tatami mat in front of her.

"Welcome, Natsume-sama." The empress greeted. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"

"Have you had your medicines?" The emperor asked, immediately getting straight to the point.

"I haven't eaten my breakfast yet, actually." She replied.

Natsume glared and asked, "Why not? Do you want to get sick again?"

It has been two weeks since Mikan collapsed and ever since then, her husband has been visiting her every day.

Mikan smiled again, "Natsume-sama, have you had your breakfast?"

"No," he answered with a slight sulking tone, making Mikan laugh.

"See? It's because you always visit so early." Mikan leaned forward slightly before cocking her head to the side, "Shall we have breakfast together?"

Natsume blinked before looking away, "Whatever."

Mikan smiled, "Michiko."

"Yes, Mikan-sama?"

"Tell the servants to prepare another set of food for Natsume-sama."

When the attendant left, Mikan looked at her husband again. This is what she's always wanted, for her husband to care for her, for him to take care of her. She always wanted for him to be there for her when she needs him. She hoped that their relationship will be like this from now on. Looking back, she realized that this was the first time that he will support her. While training how to be the crown princess, learning the ways of the palace, handling the matters of the court as the empress, giving birth and rearing the children, all of those she had to do all by herself. She realized that in those eight years, she had been all alone. Maybe now, he'll offer her what she has always longed for, a husband to lean on, to share her special moments with and someone who will love her as much as she loves him.

"What's wrong?" Natsume's voice broke through Mikan's reverie.

"W-what?" the empress blinked back tears she didn't know were there. "N-Nothing, Natsume-sama."

The emperor stared at his wife who was avoiding his eyes and knew that she was remembering all the times that he wasn't there for her.

"Mikan," he called, "You can talk to me, and I'll listen to you."

The empress looked at the man in front of her in surprise.

"I know I wasn't there for you whenever you need me, but I'm here now and I'll always be here for all of you."

This time, the empress was not able to stop her tears. The sad thing is, her tears are not that of joy but of sadness, because the moment Natsume said those words, she knew that he still did not understand her feelings. What he was offering her is not the companionship of a husband but of a friend. He still won't be able to give up his relationship with Luna and Nobara for her. At her realizations, Mikan sobbed softly, trying to control her emotions but unable to.

"Stop crying," Natsume ordered gruffly, unsettled by the woman's tears.

"Mikan-sama, the food is here. May I enter?" Michiko asked from outside.

Mikan took a deep breath before wiping away her tears and composing herself, "Yes, bring it in now."

The rest of the emperor's visit was spent in silence as they ate. After she drank her medicine, Natsume went and left the room.

"Mikan-sama," Michiko called once the emperor left, "May I know why you were crying earlier?"

The empress looked up in surprise before smiling sadly, "I really can't hide anything from you can I?"

"After being with Mikan-sama for eight years, I have learned to understand your mood and I can see even the slightest changes in you." The attendant answered.

Mikan sighed and bit her lip, trying to stop it from trembling, "How can he still not understand my feelings for him? Eight years is still not enough?" A tear slowly fell from the empress's eyes, making its way down her porcelain cheeks.

"Mikan-sama," Michiko sighed, "maybe… no, it's nothing."

"'Maybe I should stop hoping' is what you're trying to say, right?"

"I can't hide anything from you as well, Mikan-sama." Michiko stated.

"That's what everyone has been trying to tell me; Hotaru, mother, now even you. Sometimes I think about that too, that is the best way to not get hurt anymore, isn't it. After all, people get hurt because they expect too much, just like I did."

"May I speak freely, Mikan-sama?" At the empress's nod, the attendant continued. "I think you should let go of Natsume-sama. You said friendship is what you think he offers, that's better than you're previous relationship where he doesn't even acknowledge you. At least you will still have Ryuu-sama and Sayuri-sama, right?"

"I can't bear to see you like this, Mikan-sama. The day I first met you, you were full of light, so much energy. But as time passed us, that light within you grew dimmer and dimmer, it's like all your problems, pain and hardships are slowly eating you away. All of that started ever since you stepped into the palace, ever since ignorant people who doesn't know how much you do for them, surrounded you."

Mikan let out a choked laugh. "I can't help but notice you just called the emperor ignorant." The empress took a deep breath to steady herself, "Maybe you're right, Michiko, I really should stop hoping right?" Mikan stood and fixed herself, "Come, let's take a stroll in the garden."

"Natsume-sama, you seem to be much happier lately. May I ask why?" Ruka questioned while they were lounging in the emperor's office.

The raven haired man who was busy scanning the contents of a book did not respond. Ruka coughed slightly, finally drawing his friend's attention.

"Did you say something, Ruka?" Natsume asked, already turning back to his book.

Ruka sighed, "Nothing, Natsume-sama. What are you looking for?" The blond man asked instead.

"I'm trying to find out something about heart disease." The emperor answered simply.

"Ah, for Mikan-sama. These days, you seem to have been visiting her more often."

Natsume looked up from the book and casually leaned on the back of his seat, staring his childhood friend, "As a matter of fact, yes. I just figured she might need someone right now since she's sick."

Ruka smiled, "I'm glad you're finally staring your role as the empress's husband. I've been trying to make you do that so long ago."

"What are you talking about?" Natsume asked, looking at his best friend weirdly, "I'm just trying to pay her back for her support. Helping her recover from her sickness should cover it, don't you think so?"

The smile was quickly wiped from the golden haired man's face. Ruka slammed a clenched fist on the table before standing up and heading for the door.

"What's wrong with you?" Natsume asked after waving off a guard who started forward at angry sound.

Ruka turned and glared at the emperor. "Sometimes, I really want to forget that were friends, that I'm married. Natsume-sama, I gave her to you, even though I loved her first. I knew Mikan-sama first, she was my first love. When she got selected as the crown princess, I felt like dying because I knew from that day on, she'd never be mine. When you married her, I begged you, for the sake of our friendship, 'please, please don't hurt her. Please, I'm begging you, take care of her, don't ever let her be alone, Natsume-sama'." Ruka snarled, forgetting that he was talking to his emperor. "I can't believe this. For everything I've done for you, you can't even honor one simple request? All I've ever wanted is that you protect Mikan-sama the way I can't. Sometimes, I wish I can just walk inside the palace, take her with me and leave."

Natsume stared at his best friend, shocked at the man's words. After a few moments he quickly straightened his face, "Ruka-"

"I'll leave for now, Natsume-sama." Ruka cut him off.

Natsume sighed, slumping on his seat. Of course he knew that Ruka loved Mikan, he just didn't know that he still feels the same way. How was he supposed to know that his brother is actually in love with his wife.

In the Nogi household, Hotaru Imai sat quietly on the floor of the storage room. In her hand is a small sketch of a young girl with long curly hair in pigtails and a sunny smile. She found it in a box hidden at the bottom a cabinet she knew was her husband's.

"You still love her don't you, Ruka?" she whispered as a tear fell from her eyes dropping on the sketch of the young empress.


	12. Kako

"Mikan-sama," A voice called, making the woman turn. Upon seeing the visitor, the empress smiled.

"Ruka-san," Mikan returned, "what a pleasant surprise. Is His Majesty with you?"

Mikan frowned lightly when the man's eyes hardened before going back to its gentle state.

"Am I not allowed to visit you without His Majesty with me?" Ruka asked, teasing her.

"Of course not!" Mikan exclaimed, pouting her lips. "It's just that you don't actually visit me, not anymore that is."

Ruka looked away guiltily, pushing his golden hair away from his face.

The brunette laughed lightly. "Don't be like that, I was just joking."

The blond took a steadying breath before answering. "No, you're right. I never visited you after…" Ruka coughed. "After you gave birth to Ryuu-sama."

"Ah, yes. It was around that time. Why is that? I actually waited for you; I wanted my male best friend to see my son." The empress asked, reaching for the man's arm and taking him with her as she started to stroll around the garden.

"Excuse me, Mikan-sama," Michiko interrupted, making Mikan turn. "I think it's better if I go now. If that is alright with you?"

Mikan blinked, "You can stay here with us." She answered, making Ruka's hopeful gaze turn into a disappointed one. "But, if you want to, then you can go."

The attendant nodded before leaving the two of them alone. Ruka sighed in relief as the woman disappeared from their sight. He doesn't want anyone other than Mikan hear him out.

"So, about my question, are you going to answer or not?" The brunette asked.

Both were silent as Ruka tried to form words in his head, constructing his explanation. After what seemed like hours, he finally spoke. "Because at that time, I can bear to see him."

"Hmm? Can't bear to see who?" Mikan asked.

Ruka sighed in frustration; really this woman is going to make him say it out loud. He pulled the empress to a stop before looking straight to her eyes. "Do you remember what I told you nine years ago? When we were just fifteen?"

"Well I talk to you every day back then, so I don't really remember which one you're talking-"

"I love you." At Ruka's words, Mikan stopped talking. "I love you, Mikan."

The empress blinked before starting to pull away from him.

"There, now you remember." Ruka simply said. "I stopped visiting you then, because I loved you. Because I can't bear to see you holding a child you had with another man. Because even now, it hurts me to see Ryuu-sama and Sayuri-sama because they both remind me that you're not mine. What a cruel woman you are, you actually wanted me to see them."

Mikan shook her head as if trying to banish his words from her memories. The woman turned and slowly walked to a bench and sat down. "But on my wedding day, you said you're over me already." She said in a small voice. "You said as long as I'm happy, you'll be happy for me as well."

"There! I'm glad you said that. Now I actually came here to ask you something." Ruka walked towards Mikan before kneeling in front of her. "Are you happy? Tell me honestly, are you happy here?"

At the question tears slowly trickled down the woman's cheeks and a sob broke through her throat. Mikan covered her face with her hands as she cried and cried. Sorrow and despair seized her as she realized that none of her time in the palace actually made her happy besides the birth of her children.

Ruka sighed as he sat on the ground and leaned his back on her bench. He looked at the crying woman and his heart clenched, almost choking him. He sighed again as he took one of her hands and held it, trying to at least lessen her sorrow.

"_She's in so much pain."_

"Nobara-sama, Luna-sama is here to see you." Hanako, Nobara's attendant informed.

The blue haired woman looked up in surprise, "Luna?" she repeated. The other consort very rarely leaves her palace aside from occasional visits to the emperor or to the empress. "Let her in."

Hanako left the room and came back with the strawberry blond woman by her side.

"Nobara-sama," Luna greeted, bowing to the mistress of the palace.

"Luna, take a seat." Nobara studied the other woman as Hanako poured the tea. Luna came to the palace four years after she did, making her the other woman's elder. "So, what did you come here for?"

Luna accepted the tea offered to her and quietly took a sip before answering. "It is Fumino-sama's birthday soon, I was wondering if I could ask for your help in order to prepare a banquet for her."

The quiet woman picked up her spoon and started stirring her tea. "Mikan-sama is the one who arranges that banquet. If you want to help, I suggest that you go visit her palace."

"Yes, but I just thought since Mikan-sama has not been feeling well lately, maybe we should take on the responsibility for her."

"Oh? I thought Mikan-sama is well already? I visited her last night and she was fine." Nobara answered before taking a sip of her tea.

"What? She's well already?" Luna asked before she caught herself and barely restrained a gasp.

Nobara turned to the woman and fixed a cold glare at her. "Why Luna, you sound disappointed? Would you prefer that Mikan-sama is sick?"

"O-of course not, Nobara-sama. I was just surprised because according to the report I received it was quite serious, her illness that is."

"I see," Nobara said. "Well then, you may go now if that's all."

Luna stood and bowed before leaving the room.

"Report, huh? Now, who would be giving you report from Mikan-sama's palace."

"Mikan-sama," Michiko called. "Please talk to me. What happened?"

The empress came back three hours after she left them in the garden. When her mistress walked into the room, she immediately knew that she had been crying. She was going to ask about it but the empress ordered that her bed be fixed because she was tired and there was nothing else Michiko could do but to obey.

Mikan turned to her attendant. "Do you know how I first met Natsume-sama?"

"Wasn't it on his coronation? You saw him because the Yukihira clan was invited." Michiko answered.

The empress smiled sadly, "Yes, we were invited. But how did I see him when children are not allowed in the pavilion?" she sighed before continuing. "It was because of Ruka."

"Ruka-sama? You knew Ruka-sama even before you knew His majesty?"

"Ruka was also my childhood friend aside from Hotaru. The three of us meet each other every afternoon by the river behind the Yukihira estate. We play and we had fun, which was our routine. Until the day I decided to have him meet my mom because she was curious about the boy Hotaru and I have been spending so much time with."

Mikan turned to the girl and smiled softly. "That was the day I found out he was a prince."

Michiko gasped, "Ruka-sama is a prince?"

"Yes, he is Natsume-sama's older brother, well, older half-brother to be more precise. Ruka is the son of the former emperor, Hisashi-sama's, only consort. Unfortunately, no one else knew that truth because when the former emperor died, when Ruka was only four years old and Natsume-sama was three, Natsume-sama's grandmother, Fumino-sama, banished Ruka and his mother away from the palace and ordered that he shall never be called prince. She hated Ruka's mother, you see. So from that day on, Ruka lived as a normal citizen instead of a prince."

"But why did the former empress dowager hated her?' Michiko asked.

"Because she never approved of her. Ruka's mom is called Juuri, Aihara Juuri. Do you know a clan named Aihara?" Mikan asked her attendant.

Michiko slowly shook her head, "I've never heard of that clan.'

"That's because that clan was annihilated years before we were born. I don't actually know why though. Juuri-san was a woman with a horrible past, a sole survivor in a massacre. Of course, the former empress dowager did not want someone with that background into the royal family. And there was also the fact that at that time, Kaoru-sama still has not been able to get pregnant even after four years of marriage with Hisashi-sama. Fumino-sama was afraid that Juuri-san would get pregnant first and her son would be made crown prince instead of Kaoru-sama's son, that is, Natsume-sama."

"So, Fumino-sama held strong to her decision and she even had the clans supporting her oppose Juuri-san as well. Months after that, they finally made an agreement that even if Juuri-san bears a son before Kaoru-sama He would not be made crown prince. In the end, Hisashi-sama got what he wanted, Juuri-san became a consort but her life in the palace ended up as a living hell for her because every chance she got, Fumino-sama took it to humiliate her especially because she did exactly as Fumino-sama feared, she gave birth to a prince first. "

Michiko reached for the teapot on the table and started to pour tea.

Mikan took her cup and sipped slowly. "So back to, Ruka's past, at the ceremony, I saw Ruka, who was invited as a member of the royal family. You see, despite being banished from the castle, Ruka was still invited to come back time after time. And with those times, he and Natsume-sama grew closer and closer until they came to this point but Ruka was never recognized as the first prince. That's how I first met Natsume-sama; Ruka introduced us to each other."

The empress took a deep breath and leaned on the back of her seat.

"Mikan-sama," an attendant called from outside the room, "An attendant came from Fumino-sama's palace."

Michiko and Mikan exchanged a glance at the attendant's words. The empress smiled and stood from her seat, fixing her robes. At Michiko's nod, the two started for the door.

"Thank Kami-sama she likes me." Mikan whispered making Michiko chuckle slightly.


	13. Taikotaigo

Mikan carefully placed down the cup before turning to the woman in front of her. Hyuuga Fumino is a woman whose face does not reflect her age. Even in her late sixties, the emperor's grandmother still has young looking skin and still has its glow. Raven black hair, perfectly arched brows and high cheekbones decorating a delicate heart shaped face, a beauty that should draw people near her. A closer look will tell you that this woman is not someone you would want as an enemy. Strong, blue eyes bearing the wisdom that comes with experience, looking at you as if reading your very thoughts.

"So Mikan-sama, how have you been?" Fumino asked, placing her cup down as well.

"I've been well, grandmother. I hope it is the same for you."

"Well?" The older woman huffed. "With all the rumors circulating the palace, I doubt that you have been well, your majesty."

The blue eyed woman picked up the teapot and started to refill their cups.

"Fumino-sama, Kaoru-sama is here as you requested." Ninako, Fumino's attendant announced.

The shouji screen slid open to reveal the emperor's mother. Mikan stood and both bowed to each other before sitting down once again.

"Did I miss something?" Kaoru asked as she poured tea for herself.

"I was just asking Mikan-sama how she has been, my daughter."Fumino answered.

"Oh yes, you were sick weren't you, Mikan-sama? I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you."

"Its fine, mother. I recovered after a few days."

The blue eyed woman waved her hand impatiently. "I was referring to the rumors circulating the palace, you two."

This time, the two younger women became quiet.

"You know what I can't understand? I can't understand how the two of you was able to stomach appointing other women to be your husbands' consorts. When I was the empress, my husband was not able to take one consort, but you, Mikan-sama, you even allowed my grandson to have _two._" Fumino complained. "I was able to accept Nobara since she at least came from a good family, but Luna? She's just like that wench, Juuri."

"Grandmother, please don't say that." Mikan pleaded.

"Mikan-sama's right, don't be like that, mother. And please, don't mention Juuri-san anymore." Kaoru seconded.

"And why not? It's true, those two stains the name of the royal family. But at least we know where Juuri came from, but that Luna, we don't even know her family. Makes me wonder where Natsume-sama found that woman. Besides you dislike her as well, don't you, Kaoru?"

"Well, it's not that I hate her, it's just that," Kaoru sighed. "Well yes, I don't like her. But we really shouldn't be talking about her like this. And about her past, it's true; we don't actually know her family background. Do you, Mikan-sama?"

Mikan picked up her spoon and started to stir her tea. "Days after I appointed her as a consort, I checked her files from the records of the inner court. It only said something about her coming from poor family and that she is an only child."

Fumino huffed, "Ha! Poor family, of course she couldn't have come from anywhere except from a poor family. And, Natsume-sama met her where?"

At the question Mikan didn't answer instead chose to take a sip from her tea instead. Fumino and Kaoru both turned to look at her.

"Mikan-sama?"

The empress sighed before placing down her cup. "Luna Kouzumi entered as a palace maid when she was fourteen years old. That's all I know, actually. I don't know the details on how they personally met."

"A palace maid?! A palace maid?! Ha!" Fumino exclaimed, pounding a clenched fist on the table making the two younger women flinch. "I knew there was something amiss when that treacherous son of yours announced that that vermin was going to be a noble consort and then suddenly sent her away on a vacation! Your son is brilliant, one moment, that wench is on a vacation and the next, she was back in the palace sitting around as people called her _princess_!"

"Mother, please calm down. And you really shouldn't speak like that." Kaoru pleaded.

"And you, Mikan-sama. You _allowed _it? You _appointed_ her yourself?"

Mikan sighed sadly. "I didn't have a say in it, grandmother. Both in appointing Nobara and Luna, Natsume-sama decided on it and a decree would arrive on my palace telling me that there would be a ceremony where I would appoint a noble consort. I'm thankful that at least he has not thought of making Luna a royal noble consort since he favors her so much. It's bad enough that as noble consort, she is addressed as princess but if Natsume-sama turns her into a royal noble consort, then she will be addressed as empress as well."

Kaoru shook her head. "I will step in before he can do that; I will never let that happen as long as I'm alive. I'm sure mother would not allow that as well."

"Of course I won't allow it. A slave woman as an empress? Over my dead body." Fumino sighed before reaching for the empress's hands. "I'm sorry Mikan-sama. It's because we did not raise Natsume-sama properly that you're suffering like this."

"Please don't say that, grandmother. It's my fault for not being enough for him." Mikan's lips trembled slightly before she smiled shakily. "Anyway, let's talk about something else."

"Yes, this topic only gives distress to you, Mikan-sama." Kaoru said.

Fumino sighed, letting go of the young empress's hand and leaning back on his chair. "Fine, let's talk about your upcoming birthday, Kaoru."

"That's right, mother. What would you like to have on birthday?" Mikan asked.

Kaoru smiled. "I think I would prefer a quiet celebration this time, a celebration where only the royal family will be present."

"Then perhaps a tea party in the garden?" Mikan suggested.

Fumino nodded. "That would be good. Sometimes you just have to appreciate everything quietly, especially when you're in the late years of your life."

"Then it's settled, we'll have a tea party next week." Kaoru said finally.

"I will send out invitations myself, mother. I will take care of it." The empress said.

Kaoru smiled at her daughter-in-law. "Thank you, Mikan-sama. To have such a beautiful and responsible woman like you is truly a blessing for the royal family. Our people are blessed as well to have you as their empress."

"Of course we are blessed. Mikan-sama is a noble woman that comes from a good family, moreover, she's smart and she possesses a good heart. What more could they ask for?" Fumino added.

Mikan smiled bashfully. "Thank you, mother and grandmother. I'm very thankful that I have you."

Natsume slowly turned to look at the man standing behind him. The emperor was taking his afternoon break at the gazebo in the middle of his palace garden.

"I'm sorry for my actions yesterday, Natsume-sama." Ruka apologized, bowing his head low to the leader of his country.

Natsume stared at his brother, remembering what Touru, his attendant, told him yesterday after he had Ruka followed and brought back to his palace.

"Because you are my brother, I will trust you." The ruby eyed man began.

Ruka straightened up to look at his younger brother. "Pardon, Natsume-sama?"

"I trust you not to try something with Mikan." He clarified.

Both didn't speak as they stared each other down.

"Have you finally come to your senses, Natsume-sama? Are you feeling threatened now that you found out I still feel the same way about her?" Ruka asked, smirking slightly.

"If 'finally come to your senses' means 'finally in love with the empress', then no. But me not being in love with her doesn't change the fact that she's still mine. And I have no reason to feel threatened by you because we both know that I'm the one she loves. Maybe you're the one feeling threatened? I need to thank you for introducing us by the way, nice move made by the one in love with her."

The smirk was wiped out of Ruka's face. "I have no reason to feel threatened at all, _otouto._ Not after what I found out yesterday."

"And what is that?" Natsume asked.

"Oh? It didn't reach your spy's ears?" Ruka retorted, glancing at Kenji.

"What did you find out?" Natsume repeated, gritting his teeth in frustration.

"Fine, I'll tell you as a favor from your kind brother. A woman won't wait forever, Natsume-sama_. _It won't be long before she gives up, after all, it has been eight years and you still haven't given her the slightest assurance that you return even a bit of her feelings for you. Now, when she finally gives up, then I guess that's where I come in, right?"

Natsume's hand shot up to grab Ruka by the back of his haori. "Don't you dare come near my _wife, aniki._"

Ruka shoved Natsume away from him and shook off Kenji who grabbed both him and Natsume to stop them. "Is that what she is to you now? I distinctly remember that just yesterday, she was just a _woman_ to you, now she's your _wife_?"

"Have you lost your mind, Ruka? Have you forgotten about Hotaru and your unborn child? Mikan is your wife's best friend, you utter moron."

"And that is significant how? If the emperor can have three wives, then isn't it just fair for a prince to have at least two. Don't worry, once Mikan is free from you, I promise that she will be the only consort I will take." Ruka replied, smirking once again.

This time it was Natsume who shook off Kenji as he started forward and pounced at Ruka punching him straight in the face. Ruka, who lost his footing, stumbled to the ground and Natsume took the chance to pin his brother down and punched him again. He barely heard Kenji shout to the other guards to help him separate them. Hands started to pull him away from Ruka and his bloodied face and held him down as the others started to tend to Ruka.

"Don't you dare come near her! I'll kill you before can even take her away from me, remember that! I'll hunt you down even if it takes years! I'll get her back because she's mine! She's my wife!" Natsume shouted as he tried to shake of the guards pinning him down.

Ruka spat out blood before letting out a laugh. "There, that wasn't so hard right? To admit you're feelings for her." He laughed again as Natsume looked at him as if he had gone crazy. "Maybe I should teach Mikan how to make you snap, the maybe you'd end up confessing to her."

Ruka sighed before giving out a groan when he stood up. "You didn't have to pounce on me, you know. My back hurts like hell." He gave out another groan as he stretched his aching back. "But Natsume-sama, I didn't lie about her starting to give up. Don't lose her to pride, you'll regret it. " At this Ruka started walking out of the gazebo, accepting the handkerchief offered to him by Kenji.

Natsume stood up once the guards let go of him. "Wait, Ruka." The golden haired man turned to his half brother. "You're not really in love with her?"

Ruka smiled sadly. "If you love someone, then you must let her go. That's what I'm doing, besides, like you said, I already have Hotaru and Sari. Even if we were married only for the sake of the clan, I won't bring her pain and shame. I will support you because we're brothers but I will also support Mikan-sama because she was my best friend."

"Heh, a subtle way of telling me that I'm a jerk who brings Mikan pain and shame." Natsume retorted.

Ruka laughed and turned to leave once more.

"_Because I love you, Mikan-sama, I will let you go. But I will always, always love you."_


End file.
